Happy Valentine’s Day!

byron2

To be honest, Valentine’s Day isn’t my favorite holiday. It was literally made up so companies like Hallmark could make money.

Yesterday my husband had some time to kill, and ended up parked in front of a drug store for an hour. He said he watched one guy after another go into the store, and come out with flowers or something. I suppose it’s sweet, but it also shows the commercial aspect.

But I really feel bad for the people who dwell on their aloneness on Valentine’s Day. It makes romantic relationships seem more important than every other relationship in life, including the all important one you have with yourself.

I’ve found that being in a relationship only works, when you are comfortable with yourself. And when you are comfortable with yourself, you are also comfortable not being in a relationship. It’s a catch 22, to be sure, but the holiday turns your priorities upside down. You don’t need to find THE ONE or your life will be miserable. YOU ARE THE ONE. Love yourself. You can be happy with yourself and by yourself.

Sure, we all need support in our lives, friends or family who are willing to be there for the good times and the bad times. And if you don’t have an adequate support system, you should work to assemble one, even as you learn to be your own best support. Some people also need medical help for their mental health, and you should seek that out if you do.

But binding your needs to the unrealistic Hollywood idea of THE GREAT LOVE, who will be everything for you, and make everything snap into place, is unhealthy and unhelpful. Staying in a bad relationship because you’re afraid of being alone, can be tragic. Your partner should be willing to work on your relationship, and keep it moving in a good direction. If they are not, you may want to find a way out. And even good relationships are not all sunshine and lollipops, lol.

So today, be kind to yourself. Be the greatest love of your life. Discover what makes you happy, and what makes you you. Find things you enjoy doing by yourself. Maybe you don’t think there are any, but you are wrong. You just have to be open to the possibility.

When you love yourself, maybe someone else will, too. But even if you don’t find THE ONE, you are complete. You can have joy, fulfillment, and happiness.

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In the USA we have a love affair with salt. But it’s an unhealthy relationship, and it wouldn’t have to be this way.

I was always a heavy salter. When I get French Fries, instead of tossing a little salt over the top, I put some salt on the plate and then rub each fry in the salt before I eat it. And I still do, I just don’t eat fries as often.

When I tried to switch to a lower salt diet for my blood pressure, I found many obstacles. I also found that how much salt tastes right to you, has everything to do with how much salt you usually eat. And I found that low salt foods, may not be marked as such in the grocery store.

Here are some of my own observations:

If a food tastes great without salt (or with little salt), the package will not loudly proclaim “No Salt Added” or “No Sodium” or “Low Salt” or the like. Why? I assume it’s because less people will buy a food that says no salt, since people think no salt means no flavor. This is true even for foods that never contain salt in traditional recipes, so taste completely normal without it. If you read the nutritional label, you’ll see the sodium content–you just won’t see it mentioned on the front of the package. Of course reading every nutrition label as you shop is time consuming.

If a reduced salt food tastes horrible, the label WILL loudly proclaim “No Salt” or “Low Salt” or the like. Because if something tastes terrible, the manufacturer knows they have lost the majority of shoppers–so they are now specifically marketing only to those people trying to cut salt. This leaves people with the impression that having to reduce salt, means you have to eat things that taste terrible.

How much salt you’re used to, dictates how much salt you want. After eating a very low sodium diet for just a couple days, say below 1300 mg, I found many foods I normally eat are waaay too salty. In fact some of them actually made my tongue sting! The truth is just about everything you buy in the store that has salt, has twice as much as you’d need to be tasty. But, because every other food maker puts in a lot of salt, if a particular company didn’t, their food would taste bad by comparison. So unless they all reduce salt at the same time, we’ll continue to have this culturally high level of salt.

If you do your own cooking, you can get used to a lower level. Personally, I hate to cook, so I don’t try to stay at a 1300 mg level. But I find that if I can stay under 2000 mg, my blood pressure is normal.

Young, healthy bodies can usually tolerate a higher salt level, but that doesn’t meant it’s good for you. The average person in the U.S. consumes 3400 mg of sodium a day, which is much more than you need.

If you’ve never tried reducing your salt, you may want to give it a shot. It may not be as bad as you think.

My Relationship with Salt

If someone tries to sell you a magazine, ask if they need help.

Human trafficking takes many forms. I never would have guessed that someone doing something as benign as selling magazines, could have been forced into labor. But some of these young people are in trouble.

Human trafficking: Mag crew kid at your door could be victim – Al Jazeera America
http://america.aljazeera.com/articles/2015/2/24/human-trafficking-victim-mag-crew-kid-at-door.html

For Youths, a Grim Tour on Magazine Crews – NYtimes.com
http://www.nytimes.com/2007/02/21/us/21magcrew.html

Polaris Project http://www.polarisproject.org/ the resource hotline is 1-888-373-7888

Do magazine publishers have a responsibility here? Could they refuse subscriptions from these companies?

Years ago, a young woman came to my door, and sold me a magazine subscription that I have not yet figured out how to cancel. I should have asked if she needed help.

You Can’t Fight Terrorism with War

Modern warfare kills young and old, innocent and guilty. Bombing people who are already poor turns difficult lives, into endless nightmares and death. The relatives of those killed are more apt to become terrorists, not less.

The only way we could really fight terrorism, is to make lives better. Make sure everyone, everywhere has food, clothing, shelter, and gainful employment. If we did this overpopulation would not be an issue, because it takes care of itself once people have security in their old age, and access to family planning.

We have the technology to address world poverty now, but it isn’t possible in our greed driven world. We allow those who already have thousands of times their share of the wealth, continue to take advantage of people throughout the world, stealing their labor and their resources.

We need to shift the culture–reward kindness, not ruthlessness. If we cannot do this, there is not much hope for us.

the echo of an ancient god

I am the echo of an ancient god, my monuments long crushed to dust. But my followers thrived, for thousands of years, long before your calendars began. You know nothing of me, or my people–or so you think.

My followers spoke my many names, and brought me offerings of fruit and meat. They were good people, raising beautiful children in sunny valleys. Singing their stories in the night air, by the warmth of the fire.

In a way, you were there. You scurried and squeaked, and stole bites from the food on my alter. Even then, your kind sought the companionship of other species. Some of our children kept you, as cherished pets. You trilled when scratched behind the ears, and left gifts of dead dragonflies. You heard the stories of my people, but you did not understand.

I thought I was the strongest force of nature, but I was wrong. I could not save my people. When they perished, my body, too, eventually faded away to nothing. I miss it–my first, true body, in the form of my worshipers–my crown of feathers, and my massive tail.

I thought time itself would end, then. But it did not. My spirit, broken, wandered for what seemed like eternity. Slowly I started to notice, once again, the landscapes I passed by. The world would sometimes surge with life, other times be largely barren, and then it would all start again.

I started to accept the cycle of life. I started to care for these creatures, even though they were not my people, and I knew they would not last forever. Some had the beautiful feathers of my people, and lived in sunny valleys.

One day I looked a creature in the eye, a being that stood on 2 legs, as my people had long ago. I had never seen its like, and yet, there was something familiar.. And then I knew. The playmates of my children had become this. And, though you had not understood the stories of my people, you sang stories as well. Perhaps some impression still lingered, somehow, through the ages.

The more I listened, the more I cared. And, strangely, I started to feel the sun again. I became solid again, but I was no god. For a time this saddened me. But as the sometimes fearsome gods of your people started to rise, there were times I was thankful for my anonymity.

My form adjusted over the years, to change as your people changed. I have lived with you since, as one of you, except that I do not bear children, and I do not die. I do not know if there are others like me. I do not know if I will outlive you.

I only know that life is all around me, and I try to celebrate it all, past, present and future. I miss my people, but I try not to mourn too often or too long. Perhaps in some way, they have lived on, as well. I do not understand why I am here now, but I am thankful for each day.

I tell you these things knowing you will not find me, and you will not know my true name. But I am here, the echo of an ancient god.

Bill Cosby

I love Bill Cosby. He had a positive influence on my life. But it’s clear now that much of his image was a carefully constructed lie. Not only have 35 women told their stories, but a man who worked for Cosby said one of his jobs was to pay off women.

Some people say we shouldn’t accuse Cosby, because in our justice system, he’s innocent until proven guilty. Well, I say these 35 women are innocent. They are not liars. I am sick and tired of rape victims being treated like they’re the criminals. In our country the evidence must be weighed in a court of law for a conviction, and that’s a good thing. But that doesn’t stop me  from having an opinion.

Perhaps you are among those who say the women should have come forward at the time. Even though you don’t believe 35 adult women now, if one teenager had come forward at the height of Cosby’s popularity, you would have believed her and been supportive? I think that is unlikely. I think the people who believe Cosby is innocent now, would most likely have believed the same then. She would have been hated and vilified, receiving even more animosity than these women are today.

Some of the victims were as young as 16 when they were raped. I’m sure Cosby picked many young women who were insecure and far from home, lacking a good support network of friends and family, making it hard for them to deal with the trauma of rape. And, actually, not all of them were silent, although no charges were filed.

Not to mention that 16 is a very young age to have to give up your chosen profession, and to accept that the rest of your life will be difficult, no matter what the outcome. Anyone who had come forward at the time, would never have worked in Hollywood again as anything but a sad curiosity. You know what happens in a situation like this. They may get offers to be in Playboy, or worse. They’re never offered real roles again. If one of the young women had come forward, she probably would have fled the spotlight when it was over and still been badgered by people who blamed her, and called her a liar, even if Cosby was convicted.

The statute of limitations has run out on these cases, there will be no criminal trials. In 2006, Cosby settled a lawsuit from one victim for an undisclosed amount of money. There will be more lawsuits, from women who want the truth to come out. And we need to listen. Shouting them down won’t encourage future rape victims to report crimes. It adds insult to injury, and ensures that rape will continue to thrive in the shadows.